Dori’s Kratom Story: How Kratom Nearly Ruined My Life

My name is Dori, and my kratom addiction story began rather benignly, as many addictions do, with a visit to my physician. I have a neurological condition that I’ve had all my life, and the medications used to treat it stopped working. 

My Doctor Prescribed Me Opiates

At the time I visited my doctor, I was around four years sober from alcohol, which has always been my drug of choice. I’d played around with harder drugs and substances in the past, even heroin, but they never got a hold of me, and I simply never addicted to them. Alcohol was always my “thing.” However, with my medications not working and the severity of my issue, my doctor gave me two choices for treatment - clonazepam (Klonopin) or a low dose of oxycodone. 

My doctor knew I was in recovery, and the thought of taking a benzodiazepine scared me quite a bit. Because alcohol and benzos both work on the same receptors in the brain, I was worried about a swift return to drinking. Since I never had a problem with opiates, I chose the oxycodone. 

I was in AA at the time and had fully worked the steps, but I had distanced myself from AA about a year prior because I felt a lack of support after my son’s autism diagnosis. Still, I called my sponsor immediately with the news of the new prescription so I could be accountable. I did not inform my partner, however, that I was now prescribed an opiate. I told only my sponsor. 

For about a year, I took the oxycodone precisely as prescribed. It completely cured my neurological issues and ultimately improved my quality of life. But, to be honest, the pills did make me feel “good” and “relaxed” at night - something I hadn’t felt for a long time, and I was under a lot of stress. I did not plunge into complete addiction, but I did begin to take a little more than needed occasionally, and I would always be two to three days short at the end of the month. I rationalized it, saying to myself, “Most people would do that with an opiate,” but internally, I was starting to worry about where this was going. 

Misusing Oxycodone and Discovering Kratom

Right around the time I started to get anxious about misusing the oxycodone, I began to hear of kratom. I have worked in the research and marketing end of the medical field for years, so I knew a little about it, but not enough. I thought kratom, since it also acts on the opioid receptors in the brain like an opiate, would be a good substitute for oxycodone and that I could get off of the opiate that way. 

I did a lot of research. I read DEA reports. I joined forums and groups about kratom to learn more. At the end of my research, I was still skeptical about its efficacy and safety, but I tried it anyway. I asked many people, “Is kratom addictive?” “Can you get addicted to kratom?” Most people said no, and many said it had helped them get off opiates or they had used kratom for alcohol addiction. However, I didn’t consider the sources, as I was on a pro-kratom forum asking away.

This was 2019, well before kratom was widely available at every gas station and CBD store. I had to find an online site to order it, not knowing anything about the company, and I had to pay with crypto. It was all very shady, but I was desperate to get out of taking the oxycodone, and I didn’t feel I could talk to anyone about it, or I’d lose the prescription (and go back to a raging neurological condition that prevents me from sleep). 

I took a low dose to start, and that first night, there was no magical “wow, this is it!” type of feeling, but I did notice some effect. What I did notice over the upcoming days and weeks was that kratom was a good substitute for oxycodone - it still relieved my neurological symptoms, and now I was proud of myself for using a natural plant and not a pharmaceutical opiate. But this is where my kratom addiction story takes off.

Kratom Use Becomes More Dangerous Than Opiates

However, instead of using the kratom to wean myself from the opiate, I doubled down. I found out really quickly that I could take a handful of oxycodone, short myself for the month, and use kratom on the days I was out of the medication. I could also use oxycodone and kratom at the same time for an even more euphoric effect. 

Kratom also had another welcome side effect that oxycodone could not provide—anxiety relief. At the time, I knew I had C-PTSD, but it wouldn’t be until two years later that I was finally diagnosed with ADHD and OCD. So, I was a walking bundle of anxiety all the time. A handful of kratom capsules, and that anxiety disappeared. All of a sudden, I was able to interact with people socially. I was comfortable at events, even if others were drinking. I felt slightly a little more comfortable in my own skin. I could go grocery shopping without fear and wasn’t nervous about driving again. It felt like a game-changer. 

At the beginning of my kratom addiction story, I exploded in a burst of accomplishment. People thought I was the mom of the year. I was always taking my son to events and appointments, I was working several jobs, I still seemed sober to everyone since I hadn’t drank at this point, and everything was going great. But that was temporary. 

From Game-Changing Medicine to a Ruined Life

I was hiding the kratom use from my partner, which meant I couldn’t buy it in bulk - I had to stick to kratom capsules so they could be easily hidden, and that got expensive—FAST. Not only that, I began to build a strong tolerance to both kratom and oxycodone because I was using them so much. I moved on from regular kratom to more potent strains and tinctures, which really increase your tolerance. I desperately wanted kratom addiction help but couldn’t give away my secret.

I had indeed been in a significant stage of accomplishment. I had money, and I had several credit cards I barely used. That wouldn’t last long, either. The physical addiction to kratom became so massive that it became a $500+/week habit. I was completely dependent on UPS and paid enormous overnight shipping charges if I was about to run out. I began to run out of money of hand, and I maxed every single credit card I had. I began to go into a tailspin.

One night, I was reaching for my kratom capsules in one of my hidden spots, and my partner saw me, so the game was up. I had to explain the whole story similarly to how I related it here. But there was no “detox,” kratom addiction help, or anywhere to go for kratom addiction. I began to taper off it myself, and it was awful and painful. I was using so much that even tapering down by one to two capsules a day left me in a horrible state. A kratom addiction support group would have been helpful, but at the time, I couldn’t find any.

Kratom Withdrawal Was Worse Than Alcohol Withdrawal

I was in so much pain and anguish from the kratom withdrawal that I turned to alcohol (my personal poison) to make the withdrawal more manageable. It did, and once I started drinking, I was off kratom— for good—finally, within a month. I have never touched kratom since. Soon after, I went to my doctor and, without relaying all of the details, got myself weaned off oxycodone as well, and today, I take three separate treatments for my neurological issue. 

All told it took me three painful months to taper off kratom entirely by myself with no help. I just wrote down how many capsules I took a day, tossed the tinctures, and started weaning one capsule at a time. Fortunately, there is more kratom addiction help out there now than there was then.

However, I’d opened the door to alcohol again. At first, it felt like I could moderate—I could drink a couple times a week, one to two drinks, and it was enjoyable. But that didn’t last, either. I simply switched kratom out for alcohol, and over the next three years, alcohol would wreck my life once again, resulting in several arrests and medical problems, and I almost lost my son. I finally went to rehab in 2023 and am entirely alcohol-free again now for 18+ months as I write this.

Kratom Might Be “Natural,” but It’s Not Safe

So, is kratom addictive? Yes. No matter what the internet or the gas station clerk tells you, kratom is not safe. Fundamentally, it is an opiate, and if you begin regular use, chances are you will get addicted. It emptied my bank account, caused the breakup of my relationship, and led me down the path to alcohol again, which nearly took my family and my life. The domino effect caused by kratom is something I’ll never forget, and I do my best to try to warn others about this dangerous substance. 

Like many other substances, such as alcohol and cannabis, not everyone will get addicted to kratom. Some will reap the short-term pain or anxiety relief from casual use, but if you take it, you’re playing Russian roulette. You don’t know if it will grab a hold of you, plus, as kratom is still entirely unregulated, you don’t know exactly what you’re buying either. There have been numerous reports of salmonella and other problems from unregulated kratom. It’s a gamble, but one I suggest no one take. Kratom nearly ruined my life, and I know from speaking to others who have danced with it that this is not uncommon. The dangers far outweigh any possible benefits. However, kratom addiction recovery is possible.

There is much more support and help out there for kratom addiction now than when I went through it. if you’re struggling, reach out and get kratom addiction treatment or join a kratom addiction support group so you don’t have to go through the most painful withdrawal I’ve ever experienced—and you don’t have to go it alone.